January has a reputation problem. Somewhere between the gym adverts, the new year, new you rhetoric, and the sudden urge to buy a £40 planner you’ll abandon by February, it’s become less about reflection and more about punishment.

Feeling like life’s a flaming dumpster cartwheeling downhill? Want to make some changes but can’t afford to run off to a monastery? Here’s your twisted little guide to cultivate the habit of happiness, one tiny little breakdown at a time.