How to Cultivate the Habit of Happiness (in a World Actively Trying to Break You)

Feeling like life’s a flaming dumpster cartwheeling downhill? Want to make some changes but can’t afford to run off to a monastery?

See, most of us are trapped in the rat wheel of life, running endlessly, pretending the cheese is worth it. We never pause to reflect, because we know deep down that facing the void might trigger a full blown existential crisis in the cereal aisle.

The tiniest break from your schedule of doom might help you spot what’s draining the last ounce of your will to live. Maybe even fix it. Or at least slap a decorative bandage on it.

So here’s your twisted little guide to cultivate the habit of happiness, one tiny little breakdown at a time.

Take Time to Think (Yes, That’s Legal)

Want to reset your life? Try sitting in a room alone without a screen. Terrifying, isn’t it?

Book a weekend in the middle of nowhere, or at least your bathroom with the door locked. Reflect. Scream internally. Start by asking yourself:

“Who am I?”

“What am I doing?”

“Why does Karen from accounts make me want to fake my own death?”

Jot down the voices in your head. Read what you’ve written. Is it a list of regrets? Apologies? Cryptic ramblings? Good. That’s self awareness.

Then ask; What do I actually want? Happiness? Peace? To punch a pillow? Identify your priorities before life steamrolls you again.

Pro Tip: Write down what brings you joy… and what slowly murders your soul. That list will be more helpful than anything your therapist says while glancing at the clock.

Review Your Time (Or What’s Left of It)

Once you know what matters, check where your time actually goes. Are you spending it wisely… or handing it out like expired coupons?

Do a grim little audit. Are you constantly saying “yes” to things that make you die inside? Do you work, clean, commute, doom scroll, then collapse in bed wondering where your life went?

Yep, stop doing that.

Make space for things that don’t make you hate everyone, including yourself. Cancel a meeting. Dodge a call. Say “no” with the energy of a bouncer at Tiger Tiger.

If your calendar doesn’t match your priorities, torch it. Replace “Lunch with Becky (ugh)” with “Staring blankly at trees.”

Write a Journal (No, Really. Don’t Roll Your Eyes.)

Journaling sounds like something a yoga influencer says before selling you turmeric soap. But weirdly, it works, trust me, I was mad against them until I tried it, you just need to find the perfect one that suits your own soul.

If you're curious, here's mine. *

Every night, write down something that didn’t make you want to scream. It can be small. A cat that didn’t hiss at you. Coffee that didn’t taste like despair. A moment where no one asked you to do anything.

The more you focus on these tiny sparks, the more your brain starts believing life isn’t a full time horror show. Fool it. Trick it. That’s called coping.

Create a “folder of not shit.” Fill it with moments or people who don’t absolutely suck. Revisit when you need to convince yourself the world isn’t 100% terrible.

3 Sadistic Steps to Help You Reset

1. Your schedule:

Declutter your commitments like they’re haunted objects. Cancel anything that doesn’t pay you or bring you joy. That “team building brunch”? Burn it.

2. Your relationships:

Minimise contact with emotional vampires. You don’t need closure, you need distance. Prioritise people who don’t sap your will to exist.

3. Your home:

You can’t thrive in a cluttered hellscape. Toss out that pile of broken dreams (and expired condiments). Cleaning might not heal you, but at least you won’t trip over guilt anymore. You can follow my journey of project panning my life here, I can tell you now, decluttering my make up drawer and the rest of my shit cleared my head substantially.

Set Your Goals (Or Just Lower Your Standards)

Now that you’ve taken emotional inventory, it’s time to do that awful thing: set goals. Don’t aim for “change the world.” Aim for “don’t cry in public.”

Start small:

• Get out of bed without swearing

• Do one thing that isn’t soul sucking

• Finish something you started in 2014

Big goals are fine, but make sure they’re not just dressed up punishments. You want a life, not a to do list written by your inner critic.

Reset Reminder (Because You Will Absolutely Fall Off the Wagon)

This isn’t a one time exorcism. Life creeps back in like mould on bread. Check in with yourself regularly. Are you still miserable? Have you started saying yes to vampires again?

Pause. Breathe. Reset:

• Refocus on what matters

• Drop what doesn’t

• Say “no” like a seasoned villain

• Chase joy like a raccoon hunting glitter

• Be a fucking bitch - you've earned the right

This process never ends. But neither does your capacity to claw your way back every time the darkness creeps in.

7 Essentials for a Tolerable Life

• Time outdoors (or just away from people)

• Exercise (rage walking counts)

• A healthy diet (fewer beige foods, more things that grow)

• Human interaction (but only with the non draining ones)

• A sense of purpose (or a really convincing illusion of one)

• Time to reflect (or dissociate in peace)

• Don't apologise!! Never say sorry for prioritising your own well being

And Finally…

You’re going to mess up. You’ll forget everything above and spiral into old habits.

That’s fine. Just get back up.

Even tiny changes are progress. If today all you did was not scream at a stranger or resisted the urge to throw your phone into a pond, congrats. You’re evolving.

You’re not here to be perfect. You’re here to be slightly better. Slightly less miserable. Slightly more you.

And if you’ve read this far? You’re already on your way, well done kiddo!

*Contains Associate Link