How to Lose Friends and Alienate People: The MLM Way

If you’re here because someone slid into your DMs with a “life changing opportunity” that involves selling gut juice or collagen sachets from your phone, take a breath. Step away from the voice note. Let’s talk.

I’m not here to judge. I’ve been there. Bright eyed, underpaid, and tired of watching other people post about their #bossbabe life while I microwaved porridge in a mug.

MLMs (Multi-Level Marketing schemes) know exactly when to catch you, tired, broke, overwhelmed, craving something more. They don’t offer jobs, they sell hope. And they’re very, very good at it.

But here’s what they don’t put on the canva graphic with the motivational quote: MLMs aren’t built for your success. They’re built to make money from you, not for you.

MLMs are not cute little side hustles. They’re not female empowerment, they’re not a shortcut to financial freedom, and they’re certainly not your golden ticket to passive income from a sunbed in Ibiza.

But let’s break it down properly.

What Even Is an MLM?

Multi Level Marketing is a business model where the “company” (I use that term loosely) sells its products through individual distributors rather than traditional retail. Sounds simple, right? But here’s the kicker: the real money isn’t in selling the products; it’s in recruiting other people to sell the products.

You join, you buy a “starter kit” (translation: you’ve paid to become their customer), then you’re told to recruit more people to do the same. Each person you bring in becomes part of your “downline,” and when they make sales, or more often, buy more stock, you earn a percentage. And when they bring people in? Yep, you get a cut of that too. It’s a glorified pyramid. Legal, yes (technically), but ethical? Debatable.

Common Practices in MLMs (aka Red Flags with Glitter)

You’ll be told it’s your business, that you’re the CEO of your own life. You’ll be love bombed by strangers in group chats who call you “queen” and slap fire emojis on your selfies. But scratch that surface, and you’ll find a playbook that’s equal parts manipulative and unhinged. Here are just a few classic MLM tactics:

• Love bombing: On day one, you’re everyone’s new best friend. The group chat explodes with welcome messages, inspirational quotes, and declarations that you’re about to “smash your goals.”

• Fake it till you make it: You’ll be encouraged to post about your success before you’ve had any. Pose in front of a fancy car you don’t own, take laptop selfies in a hotel lobby, claim your new handbag is thanks to your MLM profits (when actually you bought it on Klarna). Image is everything.

• Victim blaming: Can’t make sales? Not making money? That’s your fault, hun. You’re not working hard enough. Your mindset’s negative. You’re not being consistent. You’re letting self doubt win.

• Emotional manipulation: Friends not buying your overpriced toothpaste? Ditch them. Family not joining your team? They’re jealous of your growth. You’re told to see every relationship as a potential sale, and anyone who doesn’t support your “dream” is dead weight.

• Constant grind culture: Zoom calls at 10 PM, motivational podcasts during your morning pee, 100 cold DMs a day. You’re taught that burnout means you’re doing it right.

• Gatekeeping success: Diamond Directors and Platinum Executives (aka the ones actually making money) will give you vague, culty advice like “manifest it,” “believe bigger,” or “the universe has your back.” Meanwhile, their bank account grows off your effort.

• Preying on vulnerability: They know who to target. New mums, single mums, working mums. People in debt. People who’ve just been laid off. Anyone in a life transition or emotional rough patch. They dangle flexibility and freedom like a carrot, knowing damn well it’s bait.

  
  

How They Target the Vulnerable

Let’s be honest: MLMs don’t go after people thriving in high paying jobs with solid support systems. They go after people in survival mode.

Maybe you’re a stay-at-home mum craving adult conversation and a sense of purpose. Maybe you’re a student drowning in debt. Maybe you’ve just come out of a breakup, or you've been made redundant and the job market is laughing in your face. MLMs don’t just know this; they rely on it.

They’ll sell you “financial freedom” without disclosing how many people are actually losing money (hint: it's most of them). They’ll tell you it’s your chance to “work around the kids” without telling you they expect 40+ hours of unpaid hustle. They’ll tell you your real friends are the ones who DM you at 2 AM with “just checking in, babe 💕.”

How to Spot the Red Flags

Here’s your quick and dirty MLM bullshit detector:

1. Upfront Costs: Any job that asks you to pay to join? That’s not a job; it’s a scam.

2. Too Good To Be True Promises: “Earn six figures in your pyjamas!” “Work from your phone!” “Fire your boss!” If it sounds like an Instagram ad from 2016, run.

3. Vague Product Claims: If they can’t explain what the product does without using buzzwords like “toxins,” “cleanse,” “activate,” or “balance your energy,” you’re dealing with fluff science.

4. Recruitment Over Product: If they talk more about building a team than actually selling the product? Red. Flag.

5. Toxic Positivity: You’re not allowed to say anything negative, ever. Feeling unsure? You need to “flip your mindset.”

6. Everyone is a Girlboss: Why is everyone suddenly a CEO? Is there a board meeting I missed?

   
   

If You’re In One and Having Doubts

First of all, hi. I see you. It’s okay to feel conflicted. You might feel like you’ve invested too much time, money, and pride to back out now. But please know this: walking away is not failure. It’s clarity.

You were sold a dream that was designed to keep you hustling. The promises of flexibility, income, and community were real to you, and your doubts now? They’re valid.

Here’s what I’d say:

• You do not owe anyone your time, your money, or your silence.

• Your upline is not your friend. She profits off your grind.

• If the only people cheering you on are the ones making money from you, that’s not a community; it’s a sales funnel.

• Ask yourself: if you stopped recruiting tomorrow, would your income survive? If the answer’s no, you’ve just answered your own question.

  
  

Also, if it’s started damaging your relationships, isolating you from loved ones, or making you feel like a failure every time you check your earnings, that’s not empowerment. That’s emotional manipulation dressed in glitter.

If You’re Considering Joining One

Step away from the DM. If someone’s reached out offering “a business opportunity” that involves selling products from your phone, “working around your kids,” and “building a residual income,” please know they’re not looking out for you. They’re looking to build their downline.

Before you say yes, ask the hard questions:

• What’s the average income of a distributor (not just the top 1%)?

• How much do you have to sell to make minimum wage?

• Are you required to place monthly orders to stay active?

• Is training free, or are you expected to pay for coaching, conferences, or personal development books?

  
  

You deserve real opportunities. Ones with structure, legal protections, fair pay, and actual support, not Zoom calls full of “go girl” energy and spreadsheet cults.

So, yeah. MLMs? Not the girlboss dream they’re sold as. And if you’re here because you’ve started to wonder if something feels off, trust your gut.

You’re not lazy. You’re not negative. You’re just starting to wake up.

Welcome back.